Thursday, March 10, 2005

Coffee BRAKE

What in the hell is wrong with people? The public arena is filled to the rafters with idiots who are navigating each day as the stars of the movie that is their own life. Look to the left and right at any moment, and you will find someone with no understanding of common courtesy and zero regard for what happens before and after they inhabit that exact moment in time.

In my office, there are several large public breakrooms and numerous smaller coffee/vending areas. Coffee supplies and vending machines are stocked by an outside company; coffee production is handled by the drinkers themselves.

In the past, I worked near one of the small coffee stations, which was used by members of just my immediate team. Now that I frequent a larger breakroom, I am a witness to daily violations of decency by the caffeinated set. What parents would raise their children to behave like this?

First, you have the "casual offender": this person is messy but perhaps not on purpose. They will spill the sugar and creamer on the counter, leave ripped Sweet-n-Low packages lying around, and splash coffee here and there. Never does it occur to them to grab a paper towel for a quick swipe of the space. Occasionally they leave the valve on the coffee dispenser twisted, which allows coffee to drip slowly but surely all over the place. Maybe they're just in a hurry to get back to all their hard work (yeah, right).

Next up there is the "not my problem, not my money" employee: these people will pick up a sugar or creamer canister to find it empty, yet put it right back on the counter instead of turning around and dropping it in the trash can 2 feet behind them. They grab 2 or 3 paper coffee cups and stack them together so their hands don't get too hot on the way back to the cubicle. SIDENOTE: in an attempt to curb expense, each office worker was given a company-logo ceramic coffee mug; to no avail, most people in this category are too lazy to wash their own mug and prefer to just remain in disposable-paper mode.

Worst of all are the people who truly have no concern for anyone but themselves: they fill their own coffee cup while the pot is still brewing (leaving the remaining drinkers with weak-water brew), throw used stirrer sticks all over the place, and leave their condiment-trash everywhere. These same people will leave the used coffee cup on the table in a meeting room instead of throwing it in the trash---guess they're confusing the workplace with the movie theatre.

Today I watched someone block the entire condiment area while he meticulously "seasoned" his 3-layer coffee cup. Probably five other people were standing behind him, waiting for him to get out of the way already so they could grab some sugar or creamer before getting back into their meetings. There he was, completely oblivious to everyone else, adding minute amounts of sugar and re-sampling the taste before finally (of course) flinging his stir-stick on the counter and walking off.

I walked over to get some coffee myself, then noticed some coffee grounds in my cup as it dispensed. I dumped my cup out and investigated the situation, to find that the last person to brew coffee had inserted the filter incorrectly. I threw the whole pot down the drain to start over, and the amount of coffee grounds in the bottom of the pot was amazing: it looked as if a whole pot had been brewed with no filter at all! One other employee was there and commented "Wow, that's gross" as it went down the sink drain. We both then laughed with the same sudden realization: the idiot who had monopolized the condiment area 'perfecting' his coffee must have a huge pile of grounds floating around in the cup.

Coffee JUSTICE.