Watching a 'chick flick' the other evening, it occurred to me that my husband and I had never had what I would classify as a BIG FIGHT. In the movies and in novels, couples seem to often have extreme disagreements which lead to infidelity, broken china, divorce, or worse. Yet here we are after almost 10 years of marriage, practically fight-free.
Now, a disclaimer: I am not at all suggesting that my husband and I are leading a perfect life of roses, candlelight, and romance. We argue. A LOT, according to certain non-involved observers. We debate issues large and small, personal and international. We have nearly come to blows discussing steroid use in major-league baseball. I have, in fact, nicknamed him "The Rebutter," since as soon as I make any opening remark he instantly comes back with the counterpoint. Yet these arguments are never of real consequence, and certainly not anything like the BIG FIGHTS I have heard told in tales.
I asked him one evening, "Have we ever had a big fight?" He paused for a moment then asked "What would we fight about?" I didn't have an answer for that, although in the movies the big fights are often about sex or money or jobs or children or family or friends or remodeling. "We have fought about window treatments," he eventually offered. Hmmm.
Thinking this over some more, I came to the conclusion that BIG FIGHTS are for the under-30 crowd (or those still on their first marriage). I knew my husband as a friend long before we got married, and I can remember plenty of BIG FIGHTS I watched him have with his then-girlfriend; the same could be said about me during my younger days. After 30, you don't really have the energy to get completely engaged in some random discussion about who ate the last yogurt or why did you tell the kids I would take them to McDonald's or even what's going on with all the hang-ups on the answering machine.
Sure, I will toss out a remark, and The Rebutter will respond; there might even be a few follow-ups but ultimately we slink back to our respective corners and live to "fight" another day. Every once in a while I get started on a mild rant, to which my husband asks "Hey, do you want to have that BIG FIGHT now?" It's usually not a movie-moment, though, so I reply "No, maybe next time." I am keeping my eyes peeled and my mind sharp if the opportunity ever arises, though. I'll be ready.