[Official transcript of car conversation with children on June 9, 2010]
HIM: What's the deal with the smoke pit back there?
ME: Huh? [with dumbfounded expression]
HIM: That smoking thing at the library.
ME: They had a smoking area in the library? Are you sure? Where was it?
HIM: In the front outside by the door. A smoke pit with cigarettes stuck in it.
SPOUSE: Do you mean an ashtray?
HIM and HER: What's an ashtray?
ME: Good grief!
SPOUSE: Was it a big canister?
HIM: Yes. And it had like 5 cigarettes stuck in it!
ME: That's not a "smoke pit." It's not even an "ashtray," it's for putting out cigarettes before you go in the building so you're not littering or catching the place on fire.
HER: What's an ashtray then?
ME: Think about it:"ash" plus "tray"---?
HER: [no response, cogs turning loudly in brain]
ME: It's like a dish where you drop your cigarette ashes when you are smoking in the house.
HER: That's gross!
ME: [to spouse] Maybe I should take them to Wal-Mart and browse the ashtray aisle to get them some education on this topic, I'm sure there is a fine selection there.
SPOUSE: [no response, eyes rolling]
HIM: No!
HER: So the thing at the library is full of ashes from cigarettes.
ME: No, it's full of sand that you stick your used cigarettes into to put them out. People are not standing around the "smoke pit" tapping their ashes onto the canister.
HIM: Why do they have that out there then?
ME: So people can smoke all the way to the last second before going into the library and then have a place to throw the cigarette away!
HIM: Hey, don't get all over me because I don't know the rules of SMOKING!
HER: At least I didn't call it the "smoke pit" like he did.
SPOUSE: Good for you then.