As my birthday approached earlier this month, my family (apparently stumped for gift ideas) suddenly started beating the drum for "Let's get another dog." Not just a dog, in fact, but a PUPPY. Since we already have a one-eyed senior canine slinking around the house in addition to an insecure younger shepherd mix, I assumed they were joking. "That would be great," I told them sarcastically. "Go get me a Belgian Malinois."
In case you haven't been tuning into the Westminster Dog Shows or Animal Planet on television, you might not be so familiar with the Belgian Malinois. To simplify things, I'll just say that it looks kind of like a German Shepherd and is used almost exclusively in law and drug enforcement. High demand and limited supply means 1) you have to shell out some serious coin to 'reserve' a puppy; and 2) the finicky breeders probably won't sell you one anyway once they find out you are planning to keep him as a pet (horrors!). Let's say I felt pretty confident that no such animal would be showing up in a cardboard box with a birthday bow on it.
Under duress from my husband, I agreed to research the idea, and presented information about local breeders and upcoming litters---including critical details about certification of elbows/knees and the all-important bite strength (yikes!) of the doggie parents. I repeatedly asked "Did you get my Malinois yet?" My husband simply smirked and replied "I have my sources."
Perhaps hearing all the discussion about puppies, the existing household canines made their preferences known that week as well. They vomited their food, escaped from the fence, shed all over, killed a rabbit in the yard, and demanded to be let outside at all hours of the day and night. A puppy would be even worse than we are! they seemed to be telling us with their actions. I agreed.
On my birthday, we all went out to dinner. "What about the puppy?" I reminded them as we backed out of the garage. They assured me, "He'll be on the porch when we get back."
Hours later when we returned, I had presents but no puppy on the porch. As I began to open the last present I asked "Is my Malinois in here? There are no airholes punched in this box." My husband answered "He's in there along with everything about him."
I opened the box, reached in, and pulled out...an iPad. In a way, the iPad was kind of like a puppy in that I neither asked for nor needed either one. Hmmm.
The iPad is superior in that it doesn't vomit or ask to be let outside, of course. An actual puppy would commonly be considered more fun though (except perhaps by my kids who want to use the iPad just to play Angry Birds). It's a toss-up.
I plugged the thing into the computer and registered it as "The Malinois iPad," adding a Malinois screensaver for good measure. The one-eyed dog gave me a nod and slinked back to her lair.