I admit it: I am a sweetener addict.
Sweet-n-Low, Equal, Splenda, Truvia! Convenient packets, bulk-measure granules, little "pills" in a tiny bottle! I have my preferences, of course, but when necessary I will press into service any of the aforementioned products.
Lately, though, I am noticing a disturbing trend in public spaces: sweetener use is being subtly monitored---no, more serious!---even CONTROLLED.
In restaurants, that little basket of sweeteners on the table suddenly has perhaps 4 or 5 total, next to a similar number of real sugar packets. After cajoling the kids to swipe some extras from another table, I can appropriately sweeten one glass of iced tea, but come on! Once that rotten waitress waters down my drink by refilling it without my consent, I have to ask her to refill the sweetener basket (and endure her disapproving looks).
And then this morning, public humiliation at the local McDonald's, when I innocently stepped in to buy a large coffee and relax with some free WiFi:
At the counter, the smiling droid takes my order and then politely asks me, "Would you like cream and sugar in your coffee?" At first I just reply "No thank you," since I take it black with just a boatload of sweetener.
Suddenly I panic, realizing that McDonald's doesn't have "open bar" in terms of condiments---so I have to ask him for my sweeteners right here at the counter. I stammer "But I need a lot of Sweet-n-Low. Like maybe twelve."
His eyes bulge open incredulously as he hears me say "12." The situation worsens when he tells me, "We don't have that, only Equal and Splenda." I immediately recalibrate my needs, since "blue" and "yellow" packets don't really compete with the powerful "pink" one.
The look on his face, though, prevents me from actually demanding the right amount of sweetener (maybe 15?!?) for the giant coffee, so I just go with "Half Splenda and half Equal."
To my horror, he then actually types into the ordering computer my sweetener request: tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap for 6 Equals and tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap for 6 Splendas. Then, to make sure everyone around got it, he confirms to me, "So 6 Equal and 6 Splenda, that's 12 total."
Of course once I slink over to a booth and pour all twelve into the coffee, it's still not sweet enough! I consider going back to the counter for more but decide instead to pour and type out this rant.
Stop shaming me because I'm sweet, people!